Negative Thoughts About Self: Understanding and Reframing
Gentle strategies for shifting unhelpful inner dialogue.
🧠 What Are Negative Thoughts About Self?
Negative thoughts about ourselves are often automatic, persistent, and deeply rooted in past experiences. They may stem from early criticism, trauma, perfectionism, or chronic stress
(Beck, 1979; Gilbert, 2009). While these thoughts can feel true, they’re often distorted—and not a reflection of your worth.
💭 Common Negative Self-Talk
Some examples might include:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I always mess things up.”
“No one really likes me.”
“I should be further along by now.”
“I can’t do anything right.”
“I’m too sensitive / too much.”
“I’ll never change.”
🛠 Tools to Work With Negative Thoughts
1. Notice and Name
Start by identifying the thought. Say to yourself:
“I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.” This creates distance.
→ (Harris, 2008)
2. Reality-Check It
Ask yourself:
Is this 100% true? Is it helpful?
What would I tell a friend who had this thought?
3. Reframe with Compassion
Gently shift the thought. Instead of:
"I always mess up"
Try:
"I’m learning, and everyone makes mistakes sometimes."
4. Soothing Self-Talk
Use kind, grounding phrases like:
"This is hard right now, but I’m doing my best."
"I am enough just as I am."
5. Body Support
Try deep breaths, gentle touch (like a hand on your heart), or movement to calm the nervous system. These tools help shift how your body holds the belief.
→ (Ogden, Minton, & Pain, 2006)
✅ Quick Check-In: Working with Negative Thoughts
Use this checklist to gently track your process:
I noticed a negative thought about myself
I paused and named the thought or inner critic
I asked: Would I say this to a friend?
I checked: Is this 100% true? Is it helpful?
I tried to reframe the thought with something more honest and kind
I used a grounding strategy (breathing, movement, self-touch)
I reminded myself: Thoughts are not facts
I practiced self-compassion, even if I don’t fully believe the new thought yet
I celebrated the effort—not perfection
❤️ Gentle Reminder
You are not your thoughts. Healing means noticing them, challenging them, and choosing something kinder.
It’s okay if it takes time.
You are worthy of that kindness—especially from yourself.
📚 References
Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive Therapy of Depression. Guilford Press.
Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind. New Harbinger Publications.
Harris, R. (2008). The Happiness Trap. Trumpeter.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. Norton.
⚖️ Disclaimer
This handout is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or medical advice.
Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.
© Jessica Rosenbrook, LPC, CAADC